just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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