Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
