How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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