Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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