woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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