By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
