I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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