We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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