My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
