Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
