So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
