i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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