dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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