So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize