The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
