What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
