So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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