Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
