i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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