I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I bet he comes in French.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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