This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
