also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
