Non-Jews are for practice
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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