Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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