8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
