At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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