i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
