its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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