Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
