Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
