I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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