OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
