seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
