Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
