I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
COCAINE IS GR8
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
