Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
