Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
