I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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