hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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