New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
