i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
