I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Quick, to the slutcave!
My balls are so social today.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
