Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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