I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
