i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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