GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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