some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
