Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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