He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
