there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize