I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
