you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
