He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
