just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
