I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
