You smell like stripper and shame
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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