I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
