that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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