the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
