you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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