dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
