So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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