Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
