wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
