What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
