My sheets look like a crime scene.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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