When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
