right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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