i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize